I could see a pet bat.
I would like to accidently let it out and I would sit in a lawn chair moved over right to the edge of the property line, with my “Music to Clog By” turned up full blast. I would eat chocolates and sip champagne and watch the neighbours try to run away from it, batting at it with their hands and screaming. Then, when it would finally latch onto one of their necks I would look up and try to call it home. I would say “Murgenheimer Muuuuurgenheeeeeiiiiimer. Come here Murgeheimer. Stop bothering the … Read more →
I saw an angel once.
His name was Bill and he lived in a box under the overpass near the car dealership.
I didn’t know he was an angel at first. I met him one day when I was running away from home. I stopped to eat one of my sandwiches and he was just sitting there, next to the town grain elevator, watching me. So, I offered him the other half of the sandwich.
He asked what I was doing and I told him I was running away from home. He didn’t believe me, he said, ” . .… Read more →
For the longest time when I was growing up I thought I was magical.
It wasn’t just about thinking I could fly, or that Santa was real, or there actually were fairies that drank out of the bluebells at night while we slept . . . I believed I had gifted sight.
I saw colour.
If you consider TV’s were black and white, I could not believe that was how everyone else saw the world. I could see colour. It made me really sad for the rest of mankind. So I spent most of the years between 3 – 8 … Read more →
Some women worry that they might not look as good as everyone else.
They spend hours buying the right dress and primping and preening before the mirror. They have been waxed and shellacked, kneaded and sculpted, cut and dried, fluffed and puffed, lipsticked and powdered ….
Really when you think about it … how you look is really about the paint job. We women are like those tacky lawn gnomes all white and plain – handed out to be painted in senior ceramics 101. We are undecorated Christmas trees, we are cakes without frosting . . . until our Avon … Read more →
I feel cheated. I never went to a party where a bunch of girls sat around in beautiful lingerie all evening, looking like models.
Why didn’t I have any model girlfriends?
Why weren’t there any model girlfriends at my school?
Why wasn’t I a model?
I had underwear. It did what underwear was supposed to. Sometimes, at Christmas mostly, I got some shiny synthetic underwear that had a hint of lace or a bow sewn on them somewhere. Each pantie had a different day of the week embroidered on it. I don’t ever remember worrying about whether I was wearing … Read more →
I tried to sue my grandparents for all the angst they created in me growing up.
Telling a child it is “raining cats and dogs,” and then yelling at me about needing to put on my rain gear before I could go outside was traumatizing. First of all, it made me highly nervous because I could never ever seem to get my gear on fast enough. Secondly, it created a life-long issue with rubber boots. I am not quite sure what the issue is but if I say that I have one, it is plausible and it keeps me from … Read more →
There I was, even in my viewer, with a leg tucked under an arm, my clothes floating larger than life, and a head . . . somewhere. My breasts, with holes where the nipples used to be and my pelvic area, fully rezzed and disturbingly near an equally disassembled but with more provocative bits rezzed man. “Hotstud 347.”
Evidently the other 346 Hotstuds could not make it.
Second Life, where you get to play out all your fantasies. Except this was never part of any fantasy, ever.
I tend to be more the unicorns and fluffy fairies kind … Read more →
Back in the Seventies, some people used to try to move out of the city to the country and set up little “hobby farms.”
I think they tried to raise “hobby horses” and have lots of little girls they liked to name “Holly.” Everyone was saying things like “There goes Holly Hobby on her Hobby Horse. She lives on a Hobby Farm.” She always wore a gingham dress and a big prairie pioneer
burka sunhat so you could never see her face. And then some ladies started quilting her. It was all pretty genuine and innocent until some dude came … Read more →
I had a Grade 2 teacher who taught us spelling. She was talking about words that look alike but are different and she put up “dessert” and “desert.” Then she told us that we would always know how to spell them properly if we remembered that there were two “s’s” in “dessert” because everyone loves a second serving of “dessert” but you would never ask for a second serving of a “desert.”
I had so many questions, I mean after I managed to get over the WTF phase of the whole exchange. I wondered if she knew that “bosom” only … Read more →
I was out walking around today in places where I was not supposed to be. Am I the only one who loves when you click on the link in a designers profile only to end up on private land where some disembodied something types you a message that you have 4 nanoseconds to get off the private land? Like, how does a designer fail to notice that her store is no longer where it was last night when she logged off and why wouldn’t she consider that a small little detail that might be important to share with her customers? … Read more →
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